Monday, March 14, 2016

Dreams...There's something about them.

Last night I had one of the craziest dreams I've ever had. And that's saying something. I have no shortage of strange dreams. But this one takes the cake. I was with my family, and they all had errands to run. So mom left, dad was at work, Tasha went to take care of her family, Tyler was on his way in from out of state, Kindra and her hubby were finishing some finals, and Kira was out with friends. Somehow, they all knew that I was sick or that I wasn't going to be around much longer, but they understood that life goes on. So off they went. And I somehow knew that I didn't have much time left. So I wrote a note, it was on the counter of a portable table we own, and it was written in red crayon. I had basically said that I was so proud of my family and all of their ambitious goals. I hope they would pursue those goals, and that I hoped they would go on with their lives, and that this wasn't the end. I knew that as long as I had them, then everything would be alright. I was so grateful that we were a forever family because mom and dad had been sealed in the temple. After I wrote that note, I went out back and continued using the same red crayon and drew a picture on another table, the miniature picnic table that has a vinyl type of table top. In order to draw this picture, I had to move some of dad's drills and tools. Suddenly mom came home and I wanted to see her, I wanted to be with her when she found my note. To try and comfort her. As I left the table and my picture to go into the house, I turned once more to survey my art to make sure it was right, and the tools that I had thought I'd moved were back in place, and my picture was gone. But so was I. I turned back around just in time to see mom reading my note. Suddenly the family was back, and I couldn't comfort any of them. Tasha was saying that David needed a big boy bed, and mini-Tyler had grown curly hair. It was so surreal to be around everybody, but to not be with them. Then I hear this chime, it was time to go and to leave my family until they could join me. But I wasn't ready, I didn't want to leave. The chimes continued and then I realized that it was because I was alive and those chimes were coming from the alarm on my phone. I couldn't wake up fast enough. One of my worst fears is passing away in my sleep, without having the chance to say good-bye to my family and friends. There are some nights when this fear can keep me up for hours at a time. But some how, I had this dream and it was all too real. The other problem with my dream was that Mike wasn't there. Because we hadn't been sealed yet. And when I woke this morning, I couldn't...I just, Heaven isn't going to be Heaven without my family. And my family includes Mike. I need him there. Mike was an answer to my desperation to continue living after Megan passed away. He has been my rock in more ways than one. I don't think that heaven would be a desirable place if Mike can't be there with me.